When parents accept and empathize with the child’s feelings,
They learn that emotions are not dangerous and can be felt – without necessarily acting.
7 Tips To Help Your Child With Anger
1. Start with yourself.
If you’re in the habit of shouting at your kids, know that you are modeling behavior that your child will certainly copy.
You’re probably good at staying calm when things are going well. What takes heroic effort is staying calm when things get turbulent. But yelling at an angry child reinforces what she’s already feeling, which is that she is in danger.
3. Remember that all feelings are allowed.
Your child needs to know that you understand how upset he is and why. So when he expresses anger, the best thing you can do is listen and acknowledge.
4. Give your child ways to manage his angry impulses in the moment.
Kids need skills to manage their anger in the moment. When your child is calm, make a list with her of constructive ways to handle emotion, practice them, and post the list on the refrigerator.
5. Help your child be aware of her “warning signs.”
Once kids are in the full flush of adrenaline and the other “fight or flight” neurotransmitters, they think it’s an emergency, and they’re fighting for their lives. At that point, managing the angry impulses is almost impossible, and all we can offer kids is a safe haven while the storm sweeps through them.
6. Set limits on aggression.
Allowing feelings does not mean that we allow destructive actions. Kids should never be allowed to hit others, including their parents. When they do, they are always asking for us to set limits and help them contain their anger. Say “You can be as mad as you want but I won’t let you hit me. I will keep us all safe. You can tell me how mad you are without hurting me.”
7. Don’t send a child away to “calm down” by herself.
Your goal when your child is angry or upset is to restore a sense of safety, which requires your calm presence. Remember that kids need your love most when they “deserve it least.” Instead of a “time out,” which gives kids the message that they’re all alone with these big, scary feelings, try a “time in,” during which you stay with your child and help him move through his feelings.
Begin by using the ideas in this article to support your child.
How do you handle this problem? Please let us now !
Oliver & Kim